Is thriving with dignity

 Adapted from Anton's new book slowly leave home to find his mother committed suicide when completely smashed in the sense of security and confidence around the world. With the increase in deposits, from the cottage moved to the building material hh she began to grasp the subtle richness brings satisfaction, and From that promised not to let her go to a nurse serve people people actually still rely on their own, and reliable to rely on knowledge to create their own.
Interview Time: November 2009 to December 2009
Oral: her story
Keywords: marriage
I think we have been hurt deeply, and my mother happened to become our lessons and psychological shadow. We are all because of my mother, to men, lack of trust and security of marriage
I'm not married. Intermediate Department had friends, did not to that degree. I do not want to get married. read a lot of life after marriage, find it boring. Most importantly, I do not want to have children.
My mother died in childbirth, and that I had a great time. heard people say, divorce, suicide, neuropathy which are genetic, I do not know is not true. If true, brothers and sisters after we get better. My mom committed suicide, and disease seen in Beijing, before the , that is depression. home people do not know, they say is madness.
child, than with the home, my family money. My father did tricycle, three jumped son, you know? also known as rabbit dogs riding. He to make something for a lot of talent to keep up. my mom had my sister, me and my sister three girls, my dad like us, busy outside back, while a girl in his arms a small, we were one down to him wine, one for him and take their food, he forgot what the United States was. My dad is not the idea of a son, he opened an adult to run in Beijing, Tianjin city of wide knowledge. is not that rich? my grandmother became the Queen Mother Lafayette . Grandpa useless, one day without saying a word, my grandmother would one day have to finish his life. Grandpa will be happy, to see people of a music, the work to work, the dinner meal. Grandpa was good, especially good, and I think the grandmother is not She bad, I she said Tuesday, is not evil, selfish. not a selfish person, one good eye, or evil.
grandmother forced my mother to have children, but no grandchildren do not give up. My mother had five children, Three Caesarean section. The last two are boys.
my mother is from Shandong, remarried to our home with the grandmother, grandmother and uncle were born. pro-grandfather died, and now this grandfather ran a train, went to when looking for Shandong grandmother, my mom, a train all the Nianger Liang Po back. My grandfather is also a good man, well known for the part, although not a pro, and also very good for my mother.
my mother after the father's children is married to my dad back home after the less, his uncle has Qindie real mother, she was not her place to think, the grandmother in charge. my mother to look nice, no skill, and rely on to feed my dad, my grandmother was bullying her. My dad told her good, nice, dutiful son he could not put on the grandmother not guilty. Grandma would be trouble, get a rope hanging on the entrance to the village, my dad is not afraid of my grandfather's. grandmother said to grandchildren, my dad did not dare Students do not want a way to get my mom. my mother died, my dad keeps saying sorry for her crying, knowing that my mother had been wronged. fair to say that my dad is not easy, which a man caught in between the real mother and daughter are also difficult to . I hate my grandmother, brothers and sisters we all hate her. I and my sister, my sister out to work, there is no way my dad happy. My dad said, girl, we are not short of money, do not go out, you let your dad to feed finish school, how not to read it? not read is not to be bullied find it? old father time, the patrol you can not hack. I she said Tuesday my dad, you now have a skill, how to protect my mother the well? My mother died at home, tell us how to be this place? me she said Tuesday, crying for me and my sister, my dad moved to tears, the results we go. I she said Tuesday, Dad, you have a thing called us we come back, if that old woman has good and bad, you do not call, not called back, we do not know her. two brothers left her grandchildren do not want to?
my mom at my door Tiaojing dead. Health After I Dadi, the spirit for good. Once a knife to cut a big hole in his arm that he tied a towel, holding me Dadi went house to house to ask, who is hosting the child, his mother was dying. people messenger to my father child, my father and my grandfather came to the recovery, called the blood-stained towel thoroughly. first, the hospital sent home, and then my dad took her to Beijing Ji Shui Tan, the doctor to rule, and that can not be made after this arm, this person should looked at, insane.
a moment later my mom a bad moment, and then have my little brother. pregnant with my little brother, my mother eat rats drug. Health and Dadi, my sister, is caesarean section, but also regeneration profile , my mother or not, that did not want this child, too suffered, age big danger. My dad agreed. or my grandmother, dead downtown live downtown, said she does not want to do the child to death, afraid of my dad, two troubled. The results, while others pay no attention to my mother take medicine. my sister discovered my dad was not at home, and everybody helped to hospital, gastric lavage, save the. so my little brother was born, and for several days does not open eyes big a little, and silly, not mentally, but also similar, my grandmother called me mom, said she has caused.
because of this incident, my mother and my father is not good, and my mother miserable, I Dad is also right, who's kids who feel bad, look at the child than see his wife, her husband is more pro. My dad often do not go home, my mother took us, but also bullied by her grandmother, had a hard time. She then slowly fall ill the.
the most severe cases, the case of my mother board to knock the head, bleeding to also knock knock. people are not people, is the crazy. My mother had to look good, the home of a woman than she did nice. Now I and my sister have felt, pretty useless to a woman, the most important to have a skill, no skill light look good, look good life than the thinner. you know my mom does not understand? I think she understood what all my heart understand, is really not want to live, what dragged back for her. My dad and my grandfather took her to Beijing to see a doctor, live in hostels, looked at her shift. how so clever that day, my dad go to bed, Grandpa went out to buy cigarettes, such a air when my mother ran away. her own back. She is certainly aware, or know how to Zuoche Hui Shun Liu then home? her back also face changing clothes, two of his younger brother to buy food, wash clothes, to the evening, Tiaojing, and wells near my house. that well water, water to feed livestock, and everyone has running water. My dad still in Beijing worry about my grandfather, my mother was found to have no hope. my sister not to We see a man guarding the four of us, who is also not allowed out of the house, so people call me Dad.
send my mom a big scene, grandma to do more with my dad too, that death is dead, but also not the dead one back, is fundamentally not want to live, do not need this waste of money, it is better to keep the child. I heard her dad this time. my mother died, my grandmother can not make life difficult with my dad, she also scared. We all understand My father, my mother was alive he could not over her, now dead, who says his home, called violent death, bad luck, they might even hurt future generations. I put my heart guilt, there is an idea is the hub of a punch, he was afraid of us.
me and my sister is my sister brought up her plane tickets to sell both together now, my sister is small, my sister not to come looking for work, said another band two years, Beijing chaos, afraid to meet bad people. my sister did not object, she was not looking, I talked, she never talked about. We are three sisters, my sister looks the most like my mom, best looking, so good-looking Love never even talked to some fancy, she should not. I asked my sister, why not find, she said, boring, boring looking man, not as good as on their own, marry and have children Single with children divorce, such a thing too many are women got the worst of the last and most difficult, as do not have this. others advised her that this is not to enjoy life, she said, how do you know with a man is to enjoy it? process is not important is the result, the result is the fate of your life, you see my mother! slowly persuaded no one, and I think we have been hurt deeply, and my mother happened to become our lessons and psychological shadow . We are all because of my mother, to men, lack of trust and security of marriage.
that I talked to did not talk about deep, met two people, one dated for two months and a half. The first is the fellow to Beijing to work, then I do in the salon, he sold the paper company as salesman. He quite honest, capable people who may not be honest on the left, not much money, on human kind. my dad would not. We sisters do not trust my father in Beijing, each Shun are watching us. He knows we do not go back. the three of us rented a house to live. One time he sent me to the courtyard door, are catching up with my dad out, hit. He is gone, along with my dad back. ask how, I said. My dad said no, better not light one, a little beyond the economic base is not how to get? earn commission selling paper not called decent work, with He wronged worth.
my dad left, my sister said the same thing. would have been not to talk about deep feelings not say how many, even if the. I told him that blow, he can not be reconciled, but the game is on my side, he had admitted. and not between the.
second is from Beijing. divorced with children and wife away. this man 12 years older than I am to start his own small company, selling paint. then I started learning , or else how can a Beijing Hebei fancy me a little nanny? I have to say something in English, and one side when she and her child-rearing, while the tutorial school.
get along with this person for half a year, began to feel very good he older than me, and married, know how good to me. I carried my sister went to his house sometimes. Needing, you know, we did not end, to almost. mainly because I have a lot of worry, fear of us fail, since nobody wanted me, and afraid of my sister know that verbal abuse, afraid of pregnancy. when I told him he was old and cohabitation mobilization, and said he wanted to marry me anyway, so sooner or later. I really tempted too, Fortunately, The depth was not to go. Once, we were both lying on an out. clothes off piece, was about to become. That was my first time, my heart felt could have been, and had admitted. At that time we were chatting. I asked him how to do to be pregnant? born he said to love children. I said, why not put your child yourself? Why do you ex-wife to the field, but also with remarried ? mainly, he said that the girl with the mother more convenient, say, to leave the child, and now the two of us where there are so idle? I'm not reluctant to come give me your kids do? possible about those things with my family, I not comfortable to listen to my heart. I asked him, What if the boy is not on the left? He said that the boy should be with Dad.
day I get up and go, and I said, she said Tuesday to go back, do not go back my sister will be around looking for me. He said that your sister is sick, you are so big hh I said yes, not only my sister is sick, we have a sick sister, inherited from my mom there, my mother committed suicide, my sister I met a man afraid of the bad, and then killed himself.
blowing that day, from both of us, I would not, after all, he can not be considered a good man, a man became a father, mother remarried willing to follow their own children, myself Figure leisure, can count a good person? my mother was alive, many people said, no right to divorce, this woman is not good, not together, divorce now, or become a baby machine. My mother would not divorce . My mother is gone, we sisters came to Beijing. Once my sister told my mom give a feast with us, to the anniversary of the death. I am she said Tuesday, Mom, we know you have a lot of a lifetime opportunity to divorce, do you not leave because we are sisters , are you afraid of the hands of our sisters fall stepfather, if not met a good man, really suffering. my sister cry I said, Mom, we know everything hh
have two back, I do not want to fall in love. I in this apartment, work, have the ability to see a lot of the woman, get married, have children, there is room money, there is no more happiness, love marriage is nothing more that fresh.
Key words: money, do you think the city
Azeri is not calculated not Stingy? you think farmers just Stingy calculated? wrong, the city personnel calculation, because the people have something to count
not my money, every time my dad came to Beijing to put aside one or two of our sister thousand dollars. about my family, you know, we can not at home, went out to see my mom jump that well, can not stand. It was well filled, and filled in can see, it was OMG!
We have been on the three middle sister and I and my sister graduated, my sister did not graduate. the spirit of my mother well, my sister dropped out to go home to take care of us, my dad ran on the outside year round, that virtue can not count on grandma . my sister up for our sacrifice. When I first came to Beijing looking for work, she took my sister to find where the sisters are required together. to find a company that sells airplane tickets, people should not two people, she said take a person's wages , my sister helped run errands do not want money, control points that two people eating dinner. That very good boss, began to 500, after diligent look at my sister, my sister along with odd jobs all day long, dry white, 900 added to wages, two people. Now she is responsible for both a store, booking, ticket delivery, Internet advertising made, but also sent mobile phone messages, the two a month 3000.
I started did not work, nothing will. I'm the sister Three lessons were the best, but for my mother committed suicide, perhaps also the university entrance exam in high school. my sister said to me now, you want to go to school on the last, she said Tuesday nothing for you. My dad said the same thing. I did not, the newspaper had a correspondence education, but also taught himself English, come slowly.
a lot of people are from Hebei, hair salon, beauty salon started working my first job is to beauty salons, training for a week and learn techniques to posts. we do is control efforts. I was lucky, not met Diao guests. do this much money, guaranteed base wage 700, put a dollar to do a job, and later two, also 10 dollars a day, ever, have to be season, barely able to 1000.
when I met the director of child care because she and her sister. her beauty to do, with my fate. she is staying, Ms., her husband in a foreign country, her kids in Beijing. her husband read to the Ph.D. was still in school, left her daughter 5 years old, and now the children are 18. so many years, Dong sister went with their children three times, once her husband did not come back. Dong sister work in the library, children at boarding school. her husband send money every month, they live in the house was a foreigner living in senior apartments. Dong sister in addition to her husband did nothing short side. We say that a dress so beautiful Dong sister, how not to find a good friend? Anyway, her husband did not know, so move along on the old. Dong boring she said Tuesday, looking for a man of trouble. she was gone we guess, that sister's husband Dong certainly there was, or how many years to his wife and children thrown in Beijing also less practical, it is estimated Sister Dong knew that an eye, one eye closed. Dong she said Tuesday the university entrance exam is not a child graduating from high school directly to the United States, she does not go, do not want a big age for the environment. we guess, maybe the director's sister boil is to send their children out, or else it is doing? as with the widow.
directors know is my lucky sister, not her, I would not have today. once to her face, she said the woman her house door married to foreigners, just children, trying to find a walk during the day to night, a small nanny, kids, kids clothes, do not do anything else, a month to 1500. She quietly told me to go, she introduced . with a child born just to save trouble, the child lay motionless, do not worry about the knock bumped, not tired, Bi Gan beauty strong. She said, you know that we could not find where foreigners home she and her parental home to how much money? If you can speak a little English, understand their requirements, to cook for the children to eat, the most a month to get 3000. You're smart, and young, clean the net, and learn some English, do this may be worth it .
I was like to try, with the directors sister went to see the house mistress, did not think she sees me. care reminders Dong sister several times, the wages added to the 1700.
so I quit beauty salons, to become child-rearing wife. dry year, the children to her home for 15 months, they go abroad, I changed to another. This year I started learning English in the journal Science found a correspondence education. This family men do not speak Chinese woman from Shanghai, told me that the Mandarin, They speak English. In such a people I learned English quickly, the old can hear, there is a language environment. Dong sister of my good old pointing me, education was her idea. she said you have to understand education and psychological care to understand, can speak English can cook, this building to grab you. people of we good, we should also famous, Dong sister home job is I shop and go to work and rest days, that is, cleaning and the like, not tired.
this rich man is the cook. Dong sister told me that he was the French people in rural areas than up like me, of peasant origin, to China to do foreign food can make money. special to pull his family, to his reckoning. I just go, kids laundry softener, the hostess was watching, I poured a cap, she immediately called, oh how you engage this person? she called to the sentence. She said so two or three small clothes softener you use a bottle? five sheets have enough bubble it! I I noticed that next time. She said how to do this time? to be not so down. forced me to the child that the whole house washed the curtains to the softening of the cap. I told directors she said Tuesday, Dong sister joke toilet brush her what flavor the water all by cooking mm. I told my she said Tuesday, she said Tuesday we keep up my people learn, so rich, but also thrifty, or how people can have money? me she said Tuesday, and you Stingy people do not think that the city does not calculation? you think farmers just Stingy calculated? wrong, the city personnel calculation, because the people have something to count, the East West calculate the math, Eastern Province and Western Province, the accumulation of wealth out . we are not calculating the peasants, the day when being in a bed, what a good calculation? the proletariat is not calculated.
the beginning, I suffered a lot in this grievance, mainly the hostess particularly picky, I see children She looked at me. It was nothing, it should be, I am a nanny, rural past, learn English or rural girl, she does not trust normal. this building a lot of my aunt that the day out with children to exchange them all about the same. I is quite good. has an aunt to wait a Baoding woman, married to a special graduation trading ugly people, a son, and wished he could eat every day are lying, lying to lie down now, the most appalling is that she was lying was also taught her son, what do you call Aunt aunt not to hit her. The child 4 years old, ruthless yet, take the broom head knock aunt. His aunt is also a look at the house were on the forbearance of money, month 2600 Where the work room and board so good looking?
I am in this house, building another know that they go abroad, to come to me, but also a couple, Brazil, the men will speak Chinese, woman In the study, two children, the big boys in kindergarten, the little girl less than two years old, at home. They said I observed a long time, I feel the child is good, diligent, and other cooks a go, let me go to his house. The two men OK, no problems, the child Taitailielie, as long as the feed and clothe not bump on the line, they gave me 2500 a month to live his home, day and night for children. I did this less than two years earlier this year they return home , I have to now this.
This couple is the Chinese people, have a green card, to do business here. This time, high wages, 4000. His children home sick, not in kindergarten, always someone to stare forward, requiring a responsible aunt, but also to accompany their children to play, teach him to read, read children books. they hired two people during the day is my night was another night that watching the children sleep less than I pay. Pity about this couple, not to have children, afraid of a regeneration or so, doctors say the child will live eight or ten years now. so much money, hard earned, and no children to whom to spend?
I worked for these people, like most Brazilians, They fly by happy, They are few in which at least compared to the money. They raise children is particularly worth studying, many people raise children with support like a small ancestral , how to supply will not work, others not, healthy and happy enough, to learn what course you are, do not learn what it does not matter, anyway, have to go to school do not learn science, not forcing the children. They do everything possible to call a child playing with the many Chinese family is different. I belong there Parenting Sao more money, mainly because of bluffing later learned these things, parents feel that not only serve to give their children eat and drink Lazard, but also how much to the point of cultural enlightenment, this nanny to expensive. often come to me ask to my house right? I could not bear the child. child with a long time, have feelings, are so kids, the body, the worse the more sensible, I can not let go. Now a lot of college girls are willing to nanny home to foreigners, especially the kind of hostess is the Chinese people at home and most like the child care she and her, because her mother can be lazy, nurse the child of all that. they earn more than me, the most energy to 7000, Believe it or not? so I still have to go to school.
Notes
her interview from Renqiu.
the first time in Beijing to find work, the face of beauty salon manageress, she was too nervous , the staring eyes could not open his mouth but the sound seems to have focused on systemic blood to the cheeks, a face burned hot, too hot the eye could not open. In fact, she needs to be easier to answer what you call mm name? day she finally came out did not say what his name, he was selected. Later, female manager, said it chose her, because she and simple, to win the trust of customers, and second, that her poor mm Or you provoke, you have to experience this, the old simmering speechless, and then hold back bad. migraine headaches, my sister touched her forehead, scared scaling back mm go to registration, collar work clothes, training, did not dare stay in bed. She did not eat, my sister said she was talking in your sleep at night called his name, voice loud, clear.
these seems like yesterday, yesterday she did not know have today. today to take care of her and her little boy to speak English, children mom write e-mail suddenly can not remember a word, ask her, there are eight to ten times that right. first do childcare daughter-mother felt she was due diligence, from the closet to find something he wears the rest, could not bear to throw and never will wear the clothes to her as an incentive to get back to her, try three sisters, who wear the right to who should. Later, there were no women mm nerve to do her master with those on the white-collar work wear fashionable clothes, like the girls have their favorite brand, off the host family's casual, no one could see her career. they are still reward her, and sometimes the red envelope and sometimes affordable jewelry. who gave my sister and sister jewelry, even to wear, will choose a rest day, usually only wear it on her Brazilian husband and wife parting gift to her, commemorate the friendship has nothing to do with the money.
now, her most enthusiastic and most urgent is to change your accent and speaking style, made it, she will be reborn.
conversion services in the home again and again between, she felt she had to leave his home slowly found his mother committed suicide when totally smashed in the sense of security and confidence around the world. With the increase in deposits, from the cottage moved to the building, from the use of electric cup cooked instant noodles to eat in the street two pies for a dollar prime go before English classes at night, nurse serve people depends on reliable knowledge to create their own. These are the most simple truth, she was with her sister after the death of his mother for many years through the Beijing drift gradually realized that his career.
Occasionally, the three sisters still live together people will remember his mother. If she knows the year, maybe fate will be like another deputy, of course, may simply know her, but no opportunity to change, otherwise, why so bitter and mean enough to leave? be brought all the answers go, they can do only good for the mother alive, is thriving with dignity.
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